The gift my father left me: why funeral planning matters
Oct 27, 2025 12:13PM ● By Scott Behan
“Yesterday is gone, tomorrow isn’t promised and all we truly have is today.”
These words spoken by Mother Teresa took on a much deeper meaning for me on November 23, 1992.
I was serving in the U.S. Air Force, stationed in Tacoma, Washington. That evening, I called my father in Baltimore for our usual Monday night chat. He told me he’d just received a great report from his doctors. We wrapped up with our usual “I love you” and “Talk to you later.”
But we never spoke again.
My father passed away suddenly the next day. He was only 62.
I remember the chaos—the shock, the grief, the scramble to get home just two days before Thanksgiving. When I contacted the funeral home to begin planning, I was told something that stopped me in my tracks.
“Everything has already been taken care of,” they said.
I was stunned. His death was so sudden, yet in those first disorienting hours, I discovered that my father had left me one final gift—a gesture of love that continues to shape my life and career.
Years earlier, without ever mentioning it, my father had prearranged and prepaid for his funeral. In the midst of my grief, he had given me peace and clarity when I needed it most.
Without those plans, I’d have faced dozens of hard, costly decisions. I likely would have spent more than I could afford out of guilt, stress or uncertainty. Instead, his wishes were clear and the financial burden was gone.
WHY PLANNING AHEAD MATTERS
Whether your final wishes include burial, cremation or donating your body to science, one of the most important decisions you can make is to document them ahead of time. Advance funeral planning, also known as pre-planning or pre-need, protects your loved ones from stress, overspending and uncertainty while ensuring your wishes are honored.
We insure our cars, homes and even appliances. Yet many never plan for life’s only certainty—our passing.
I understand why. Death is uncomfortable to talk about. Many people are hesitant to begin the process, yet almost every time I hear the same thing: “That was easier than I thought.” And the look of relief on their faces says it all.
“BUT I HAVE LIFE INSURANCE—AND A WILL”
Life insurance provides financial support, but it doesn’t document your wishes. It doesn’t say whether you prefer cremation or burial. It doesn’t outline what kind of service you want. It doesn’t specify who should handle which responsibilities. And often, life insurance takes weeks to process—long after funeral decisions have been made and paid for.
And having a will is great—it’s important to keep it updated. But most families don’t see the will until weeks or months after a death, when the money is already spent and decisions are already made.
That’s why advance funeral planning matters. It allows you to:
- Make decisions in a calm, thoughtful environment
- Relieve your family of guesswork and stress
- Lock in today’s prices (in most cases)
- Clearly document your final wishes in a way that will be available when it’s needed most.
If you’re unsure where to begin, most funeral homes offer a free planning guide to help you organize your wishes and ease the burden on your family. You don’t have to do everything today—just start.
Have a conversation with your spouse, your children, your parents or with a certified preplanning consultant who will listen, guide and never pressure you. Your plan can always be adjusted later. But putting something in place now means your loved ones won’t have to make hard choices on one of the worst days of their lives.
I completed my own plan at age 46, while healthy and covered by life insurance. But this wasn’t just about finances. It helped me come to terms with my own mortality. It gave me clarity. It gave me control. It gave my family a gift that one day they’ll be grateful for—just like I was for my father’s gift.
If your tomorrow never comes, will your family have that same gift?
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