Caring for a loved one is a major emotional and physical investment. When you’re tending to another, it’s easy to neglect yourself. 

While “burnout,” an old firefighting slang term, seems like a good moniker for the battle the caregiver fights, it suggests a blackened tree stump smoldering in the breeze. It is a one-time thing, over and done. But family caregivers’ stress is ongoing. 

A better term is “caregiver burden,” the level of multifaceted strain perceived by the caregiver as a result of caring for a family member or loved one over time.

Stress is a physical response to danger. When a predator appears, the prey’s body releases adrenaline and cortisol that triggers flight, fight or freeze. Adrenaline makes the heart beat faster, raises blood pressure and gives you more energy. Cortisol increases sugar in the blood that gives the brain a jolt and helps repair injuries. These immediate effects help in responding to threats, but they come at a cost of upsetting the body’s normal rhythms. 

If the threat does not dissipate, the body may not work right, causing symptoms like anxiety, depression, headaches, muscle tension and pain, heart disease and attack, stroke, sleep disruption, weight gain and loss of memory and focus.

Caregivers are stressed and subject to these symptoms—often for years. When a certified nurse assistant came to one of my groups, the others were interested in how a professional gets along with caring for a loved one. 

She said, “I love my job. I help people in need and find as much joy as possible. When I go home at night, I should get relief from work. But at home with my mom, I’m on duty all night. I now understand why families are so strung out!”

Getting up at night to help with bathroom needs deprives family caregivers of needed rest. But the emotional toll of watching a loved one fail is crushing. Caregiving for a loved one is one of the hardest endeavors.

IDEAS FOR CAREGIVERS:

• Resist thinking you are the only one who can do the job.
• Join a support group of others who understand. You can trade ideas.
• Talk to others about what’s satisfying, what’s hard and where you need help.
• Carve out time for yourself. Go in the bathroom, close the door for five minutes and listen to relaxing music. If that works, do it for 10 minutes. 
• Invite others over and observe how they get along with your loved one. If they are comfortable, ask them to be a companion for a couple hours.
• If you get time off, don’t fill it doing unfinished tasks! That will leave you exhausted.
• Find an empathetic relative and confide in them. Ask them to relay the info to family and friends. Consider creating a private Facebook group.
• Journal. Writing releases emotions. Reviewing past entries will help you realize you’re getting the job done.