It’s truly remarkable how often, in my work as a personal historian, I have heard sentiments like, “I wish I had…” and “I should have...” These comments come from adult children who have lost one or both parents and now deeply regret not learning more about their parents’ lives when they had the opportunity.

I share this woe, having never inquired about my dad’s experiences in battle during his U.S. Navy service in World War II or questioned why my great-grandmother got divorced in an era when such a decision was considered scandalous. That ship has long sailed. 

While we may have missed the chance to capture part of our parents’ history, we can still preserve a piece of ourselves for our loved ones. 

The ethical will serves as a tool to communicate our love and pass on our beliefs, life lessons, legacy, wishes and personal philosophy down to our children and grandchildren, a spouse or friends. Unlike a legal will, it doesn’t involve tangible assets and is not a legal document. 

The ethical will can take many forms. Also known as a legacy letter, it’s often created as a written document, but it can also be an audio or audio-visual file. Some draft it as a single sheet of paper, while others write the equivalent of a short book. The ethical will, at times, serves as the final chapter of the life stories I help author. The rule is there are no rules.

The ethical will reflects the voice of the heart and the sage wisdom gained from years of experience. Some examples of ethical will prompts include:

• The most important things I learned from my parents

• Why I fell in love with your mother/father

• My world changed with your birth because…

• The most valuable life lessons I can pass on

• It is essential to always remember…

• I am most grateful for and most proud of…

• I would like to ask forgiveness from…

• If you encounter difficult times, I hope you will…

• If I could live my life over…

Surprisingly, for many of us, communicating these items via the ethical will is far easier than doing it verbally in person. The original ethical wills, said to date back some 800 years, were transmitted only orally.

Notably, the ethical will does not necessarily need to be opened or shared following death. Since it has no legal ramifications, it can be viewed while the writer is very much alive and well. Some people update their ethical will on an annual basis.

The ethical will may be the perfect vehicle to bequeath your love, values, wisdom, and guidance.

Do not let this opportunity go unfulfilled.